Welcome to Declassifi, a weekly column looking at the lighter side of politics.

Do you know what Europe nes? Don’t answer that as we already know … it’s a Netflix-style streaming platform all of its own!

That’s according to a document from the EU’s Slovenian presidency which suggests that EU capitals and the European Commission should look into setting up a European online streaming platform — presumably to show nine-and-a-half-hour films in Czech about snow, live coverage of Strasbourg plenary sessions and made-for-TV versions of Internal Market Commissioner Thierry Breton’s sci-fi books

Now, this is all well and good but is Netflix really the model to aim for? It has, after all, just releas “Diana: The Musical”, which contains the following actual lines:

Sung by the paparazzi as they chase the Queen

of Hearts: “Better than a Guinness, better than a wank / Snap a few pics, it’s money in the bank”

At a cello recital that the People’s Princess finds dull: “The Russian plays on and on / Like an endless telethon / How I wish he were Elton John!”

Diana’s already got a pirate-them kids playground and a fountain in Hyde Park that looks more like a drain. Hasn’t she suffer in death enough!

But you can see the EU’s reasoning here: Netflix is one of the pillars of modern life along with social mia, which made Monday’s Facebook/Instagram/WhatsApp outage all the more email list terrifying (though I didn’t notice as I spent the evening on MySpace).

But if Netflix content is bad and Facebook is out of order, what’s left to fill the hours? How about watching some harmless sport instead. Except no, because sports stars can become craz right-wingers!

Former Dutch international footballer (that’s football

with a round ball, not an oval one since the Brits politico eu confidential: macron’s us stance — western balkans summit — dark eu lobbying won the POLITICO Europe “football/soccer battle” of 2016) Bryan Roy — who play for Ajax, Nottingham Forest and Hertha Berlin — has been convict of threatening to shoot Dutch Prime hongkongdata Minister Mark Rutte.

Roy repli to a tweet calling on Rutte to resign by saying that the PM would “get a headshot soon” and as a result, the ex-footballer was plac on probation for two years and given 80 hours of community service.

The news came days after Olympic swimming gold malist Klete Keller plead guilty to being part of the right-wing mob that ran riot at the U.S. Capitol in January. Keller was wearing a Team USA jacket when he enter the Capitol, proving beyond doubt that over-exposure to chlorine can have a debilitating effect on the brain.